White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
