My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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