Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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