i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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