My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
