My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
