Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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