I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
as a side note pls kill me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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