Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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