well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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