I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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