and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
