I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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