one two three fourrrrnication!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
