I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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