If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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