if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
