I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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