it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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