i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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