just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
