It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
porn star boner night. come get it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
