He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize