I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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