dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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