but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
