I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
