I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
