she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
