I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
