I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So here I am, sexting at work.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
