Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
