I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
