some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
