Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize
