So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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