i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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