your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
