i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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