Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I sprained my soul last night
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
