My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
