Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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