My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
