she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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