if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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