yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
