Joe is yelling at the trees again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize