pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
