Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
