remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
3pm strippers are depressing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
