Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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