We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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