Soap is not a condiment
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
