its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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