girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
