i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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