WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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