Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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