I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
