I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
