Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
