He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
