Kareoke will never be a sober sport
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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